"Grief, Gray Hairs, and Glory: What Loss Taught Me About Living Loud": Why pain, purpose, and aging’s messy lessons might be the keys to your unapologetic life.

Let’s start with the truth: Grief and I go way back. We’re like old roommates who never agreed on the thermostat. It showed up uninvited when I lost my first loved one—my dad—before I even turned 5. Then it showed up again… and again. By now, I should’ve changed the locks, but here’s the twist: Grief taught me how to live.

Grief taught me how to live

You know that cliché “what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger”? Nah. What doesn’t kill you leaves cracks in your soul—and that’s where the light gets in.

1. Grief Ain’t a Stranger (But I Stopped Hating Its Visits)

I used to treat grief like a trespasser. Slam the door. Pretend I wasn’t home. But after the fifth… tenth… who’s-counting-anyway time it parked on my couch, I finally asked: “What do you want?”

Turns out, grief isn’t here to drown you. It’s here to remind you what’s floatable.

• The way your Mama's laugh lives in your niece's smirk.

• The urgency to call your sister today, not “someday.”

• The courage to quit the “safe” job (shoutout to 2021!) and bet on your own abilities and gifts.

Grief taught me to stop romanticizing “someday.” Someday is a liar.

2. Aging: The Bittersweet Trade-Off

Let’s talk about getting older. The perks: You stop caring about Karen’s opinion of your life choices. You build things—families, businesses, credit scores. You learn to say “no” without flinching.

The price: You outlive people who shaped you. One day, you’re the kid at the cookout; the next, you’re the uncle passing down stories. You realize maturity just means you’ve collected enough scars to recognize them in others.

But here’s the secret: Aging is just life’s way of asking, “What’s worth your time now?”

Auntee Sookie, Mama, Mary Cunning (Bo-Peep) - RIP to these incredible, fiery women who lit up every room they entered!

3. The Mission You’re Running From (And How to Grab It)

Fun fact: I didn’t plan to leave my 9-to-5 school counseling gig. But grief has a way of rearranging your priorities. It whispered: “You’re here to build, not just babysit potential.”

We all have a mission. Yours might not involve quitting your job (or maybe it does). But it will demand you trade wishful thinking for action.

• Want the car? Save, then buy it.

• Got a dream? Start before you’re “ready.”

• Love someone? Tell them now.

Success isn’t a trophy—it’s the guts to keep moving when the cost feels too high.

My sister Barbara Ann—now that was someone who could truly SING! Mama and I always loved hearing her voice. Miss them both so much—RIP.

4. A Note for the Brothers: Your Feelings Are Not Weakness

👊🏾 To my Brothers who are grinding in silence: We’re often told to treat pain like an unpaid bill—hide it, ignore it, and hope it disappears. But here’s the real deal: Your trauma isn’t something to bury; it’s a library full of lessons and strength.

When my mom passed, I didn’t cry at her funeral. I think it’s because I had already cried so much before, and I kept hearing the same thing from other brothers: “Stay strong.” At first, I tried to go along with it. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized how devastated I actually was. Strength doesn’t mean putting on a tough face—it’s being able to say, “I’m not okay,” and trusting your brother to help carry the weight.

Strength doesn’t mean putting on a tough face—it’s being able to say, “I’m not okay,” and trusting your brother to help carry the weight.

5. The Antidote to Wishful Thinking

I’ll leave you with this: Life isn’t a highlight reel. It’s messy. Unfair. Full of plot twists that leave you cursing the script. But if you listen—really listen—you’ll hear it:

A voice saying, “Trust yourself. Trust the process. Now move.”

Maybe it’s God. Maybe it’s your ancestors cheering you on. Or maybe it’s the future you, standing tall, already proud of how far you’ve come.

A voice saying, “Trust yourself. Trust the process. Now move.”

The point is: Stop waiting for permission to live.

Grief isn’t the villain. Aging isn’t the enemy. And your purpose isn’t hiding—it’s waiting for you to stop overthinking and DO THE THING.

Where to Go From Here

If you’re…

• Exhausted from pretending you’re “fine”

• Ready to honor your pain without drowning in it

• Curious about grief support that feels human, not clinical

…then let’s talk.

Join our support community and discover free resources to help you navigate loss. Have something on your mind? Feel free to reach out anytime—no pressure, no scripts, just real support.

Grief rewires us—but it doesn’t have to isolate us. Together, we can build a life that holds both the sorrow and the sweetness.

You weren’t meant to grieve alone. Whether it’s a recent loss or old wounds that still ache, reach out. Let’s turn your pain into purpose—on your terms.

P.S. Share this with someone who needs it. Tag a friend who’s been a little quiet. And if you’re still here reading this? Consider it your sign—make the call, send the text, or just start. Go for it today.

Click Me-Grief Support Group Sign-up